What did i do today? Tuesday, July 18, 2006
The reasons on why i dont trust people
I guess tonight's blog will be a very very long one, because i got alot to say after someone mentioned somethings to me. As the title says it all, some friends of mine did ask me why i just dont believe them even though we are friends.
Before i touch on that, just want to briefly go through what i did today. Meet Mr.Wanky for lunch at SIM and did some photocopying of the CSS book. (The book review will do later if time permits, if not, will do tomorrow.) Wanky was late again, i told him in advanced that whoever is late will treat. But this time only drinks, as Wanky is broke. Chat with him a while and i met up with 'Old Man', one of my companymate from 30th SCE. Had a short chat as well, before i gatecrashed the lecture.*Haha* Quite fun, but i only stayed for five minutes in the lecture room and did a survey form for one of Wanky's classmate. After that, i went to the library to return the books, and borrowed new ones. 3 new books to read, on top of that i still have 'Who moved my cheeze?' to read. One on Javascript, one on Dreamweaver 8 and last one is 'codes of the millionaire'.
Evening was the same company's presentation, just go in to take a look for further understanding. So there is nothing much to say too. Was waiting for a reply the whole day, nothing came as well. Just wait and wait, cause she said, miracles will happen when you believe. I believe one day it will be a sun-shiny day after the storm.Right?
Now back to the topic on the reasons why i dont trust people. I know many people always felt that i dont trust them because they always ask me is it that i dont believe them. This has always been something very personal and i didnt share it with many friends. I have decided to face the problem and that is why i am going to post everything over here.This goes all the way back when i was in primary school. I didnt have many friends because i dare not speak up, i only knew a few classmates and get by with it everyday. Socialising was a huge obstacle for me. Then it came a time when one of my classmates wanted to order more food during reccess. He had finished his daily allowance and wanted to borrow money from me. I didnt even think much and just lend him the money, Neither did i ask back the money from him, even though a dollar is like a lot to a primary school kid during my time. Slowly i realised the power of money, i thought i could buy friends with my money, because i felt that that particular classmate started to talk to me more often. So one fine day, i asked a few of my classmates to gather around the table during reccess. I took out my pouch filled with coins and poured it out on the table. I took them, take it, my treat to you all. i kept doing that for a few days,(cant remember how many days, too long ago) and my friends around me were all very happy. I thought i would have made more friends this way and they talked to me more often then usually as well. I built my friendship with them, i trust that they were my friends, little did i expect this friendship that was built up of money didnt last at all. I told them i didnt have enough for myself to eat one day, and the usual friends who gathered in front of the table made their way off, dissappearing into thin air within seconds. I didnt know what to say, but i learnt my lessons hard and well. It was a wrong concept to 'buy' friends. I feared so much that i couldnt forget this incident till now. I cant get over with it, i dont know why, the incident could just replay in my mind anytime, and i could remember it. Then came the second incident, when i was around 13-14 years old. Luckily it was not a major one. Neopets was quite a craze then. I had won a jackpot and had a lot of Neo money. I dont know what got over me that i actually believe a con that i would get more neo money in exchange for my id and password. Yes, i must admit i am a guilable and easy to cheat guy. From that time onwards, i didnt play Neopets anymore. ( i know this sounds stupid, but it did leave an impression on me) There was one last major incident, which i am not going to mention here, because it will offend some people. If you are my close friend, you would know. Anyway i grew more and more suspicious of people and start to guard against them. So if anyone comes up to me and say 'hi', i will act, but deep inside me, i am already telling myself that this person is up to no good.
Based on my bad experiences, i dare not put my compelete trust anymore. If i had offended any of my friends, please, i hope you all could understand me. I hope you all would give me a longer time to place my trust on you, i would truely appreciate that. Thanks for reading. Good night.
Shades of black and white
7/18/2006 11:20:00 pm
The most colourful one would be you