What did i do today? Tuesday, July 11, 2006
for you-know-who-you-are. think about it.
not the first time anymore.
or should i say? countless times.
i've lost counts of you being like this.
a 21 year old being talking to me in such a childish manner.
liang liang didi says you just wanna seek attention from me.
even if there's nothing to talk about, you'll just find something from somewhere to talk about, so that i'll continue replying you.
is that really so?
i don't like it. i really don't like it this way.
we've been friends for so long. you know me quite well i can say, but not totally.
but why are you behaving like that again and again?
even my closest friend i've never quarrelled with so many times, but you're always finding fault with me to argue things with me.
what's your problem?!?!?
why befriending you will cause me an increase of hp bills and being pek cek with you for your out-of-nothing-arguements?
do you know my bill increased from the previous month of 34 to last month 120?
and... i can confidently say that more than 60% of the sms are sent to you.
we're friends. i won't run. is it really necessary to sms the whole day?
why can't you understand me?
you know what? sometimes i just feel like giving up... giving up on this friendship... because i'm tired of argueing unneccessarily, or even explaining things to you when you think that i've done something wrong, and worst, you keep finding fault with me out of nothing.
i'm sick of it, aren't you?
think about it bah. you're 21, you're an adult le.
you know who you are.
but just to tell you, i don't dislike you at all. in fact, i really treat you as a good friend. i just hope you don't define it the wrong way.
left;
* ~ m i S s i n G y o U ~
Quarrelled again, yes as usual, i am always the one at fault to you.Mind you, it takes two hands to clap.I cant possibly quarrel alone.You always asked me to think about it. What about you? Have you played your part to find out the reasons and the problems? You deemed me as a childish 21 yrs old adult.Whatever, it takes one to know too. You aint any more mature than i am in handling relationships.How many had you failed?And if you had know me so well, would you even need to seek someone to question my manners towards you? How much does this guy know about me? Of course he would side with you since i dont even know him.And even he said that i am seeking attention, then why am i seeking attention?
I tried to talk to you more often, since you regard me as your buddy. I maybe wrong to correct you with your unreasonable behaviour. If thats why you are feeling resentment against me, then i am sorry.I should have leave you in the lurch.And more resentment because i waste you handphone bills.Since you mind money that much, tell me and i will pay for your phone bills this month.If that is the case, dont break up with your boyfriends so often, i wont want to waste my phone bills on you too, to comfort you when you need someone to talk to.I wont want to waste petrol to travel down to see you, to give you assurance that you are not useless.I am not born with a sliver spoon in my mouth.If you want to mention about money, I believed that i spent even more on you. I also do not want to coax you like a kid as well. I dont want to repeat the history that i become the cause of you breakup as well, not only i had to comfort you, i became one of the reason why you had to breakup. You claim that i am your buddy, but i feel more like you are giving me a difficult position everytime. You expect too much of me when you are sad, but you dont wish me to have an influence in your life when you are happy. Thats why i felt that you are only nice to me when you are sad. I dont know what gave you that idea that i am your buddy when i dont even think you are one to me. Because you simply dont even understand me, neither do you wish to make an effort to know me. So much for a buddy.I have already given myself a deadline, to try my best to patch things up and improve our relationship, but i dont see that you are interested either. The more i try, i more you find me irritating. So much for my effort, which to you i only know you quite well, and how much do you know me? A friendship that is not reciprocal and you could call me your buddy? You seek my attention and i cant seek yours. Maybe its unneccessary to try or i am just too foolish to do that.Also, i am not finding faults in you, i only need proper explaination, but i guess maybe it not neccessary anymore from now on.
You are who you are, i wont be able to change you no matter how i say about you.But rest assure, i wont even want to bother about what you do anymore. You wont have to explain anything anymore. Since you want to blog it and made it known to public and make a fool out of both of us, i will play along. This is how i will take it since you want to publish it on your blog.
Lastly, I must admit, i too am human, and will err sometimes.I am really sorry that i had lied to you a couple of times, i did explain to you, but to you once it over, you wont want to mention it anymore.All i can say, you never learn from history.In what way if i ever had offended you then i am really truely sorry.I have my temper so do you.I hope you understand. I dont wish to be the one always doing the understanding. Its meaningless.I thank you for treating me as a good friend i appreciate that.But no thanks for treating me as a buddy, because never in one way or another did i ever felt it.You had more than a fair share of my time. Friends or not, once my deadline is up, and if it is still so hopeless, its game over.
Shades of black and white
7/11/2006 03:14:00 pm
The most colourful one would be you